Are you living your best life? Stop playing house and build a forever home.

Foundation: mutual respect

Plumbing: communication

Electrical: spirituality

Walls: family, friends and accountability

Fireplace/furnace: love, affection and passion

Roof: trust

Imagine a quiet evening at home. You’ve eaten dinner and gotten comfortably settled on the couch in your softest loungewear with a nice after dinner coffee or tea. 

Sounds nice doesn’t it? Think about your life. If this was an evening in the life of you. What are your surroundings like? Is there peace in your home? Do you feel loved and appreciated by your spouse? Do your children respect you and listen to your direction? What is the flow like? Is there order in your home? 

No one has a perfect life. But your home should be the highlight of your best life. It may not be quiet by any means. It may be vibrant and exciting and boisterous; the halls may be bustling with activity; cooking in the kitchen, laundry in the back room, football game in the family room, video games in the basement, FaceTime calls from the bedroom. Whatever home sounds like it should feel peaceful. The peace in knowing that the core areas of your household are in good shape. They are being maintained appropriately. Solid foundation, plumbing is flowing free and clear of obstruction. Electrical is up to code with no shorts or frayed wiring. Walls are solid and positioned in the perfect places, covered with beautiful memories and reminders of good times. Fireplace is filled with crackling wood, warming the entire home from the center. Roof is solid and protective from the outdoor elements. Those are the elements of a forever home. 

There is no doubt how important these basic elements are to a happy, healthy home life. The physical, material, spiritual elements. 

How do you insure that you build well from the beginning

How do you regularly and properly maintain your home

How do you identify and make needed repairs

But let’s dig deeper and put this into perspective of your marriage. You’ve heard the saying “happy wife, happy life” or happy spouse, happy house. What condition is your house in? If you’ve been married for some time now, there are likely areas that are in need of maintenance. How’s your foundation, is there a few cracks here and there from settling?  Be quick to make repairs. [written Nov 19, 2018]

Sunday August 25

Why is there a sudden trend of middle aged married couples divorcing after decades of devoted matrimony? It’s like first you lose your children to college, you seem to lose yourself and then you wake up to discover you are losing your husband?

Because major shift happens when we have children. A major life changing world-turning event. Your heart expands 1000 times larger than you ever thought it could and makes room to love your children. But have you ever stopped to think that it expands so you can keep loving your husband with the same passion and intensity? But it doesn’t really happen that way does it?

The to do list when you are three months into dating the perfect guy:

Wake up and thank God you’re not single anymore

Go for a run (Gotta stay size 6 by any means necessary)

Skip that muffin or bagel and make a green smoothie

Shower, shave, tweeze eyebrows and track down any other unwanted hair and destroy it

Pick out that perfect outfit—the mix between classy and sexy with a hint of sultry (you never know you might have lunch or happy hour date with your boo)

Make sure makeup is on fleek

Blow out and perfectly style hair

Text him that perfect good morning selfie

Drive to work (Beaming)

Be the boss that you are

The mid-week to do list when you are xx years married to same guy:

Wake up and beg God for five more minutes of sleep

Crawl into the kitchen and get a 20 oz mug of coffee

Grab a donut to go with said coffee

Get your kids up

Fix their lunches

Finish and find homework, papers, projects etc.

Get them on the bus

Gasp breathless as you walk back from the bus stop

Take a two second lukewarm shower

Look down take a deep breath and consider the crazy idea of…nope no time!

Look in the mirror at all that hair and figure out how to hide it

Put on some spandex to hold in all the lumps bumps and humps

Plaster on as much makeup as possible to cover any other hair that you can’t hide under clothes

Put your unruly hair in a pony tail

Text him his honey do list followed by please get all this done ok followed by kissy face emoji

Drive to work (Dreading)

Wonder how this became your life

So what changed?

Do you see that both you and your self-care and your attention for your man have become low to no priority?

Just like a garden, that what is tended grows and thrives and that which isn’t shrivels and dies.

Don’t be fooled. This doesn’t just happen all of a sudden. This happens slowly and quietly and methodically until one day you wake up and realize your kids have their own lives and you are launching them off into the world and you look over and wonder who that strange guy is in the bed next to you…

In His Hands

Lord, you are in control. Nothing I accomplish is within my own strength alone. I thank you for going ahead of me and for protecting me from behind. Take away all fear from me that I might be the woman of faith you have called me to be. Thank you for my husband and child. Please help me to be the best wife and mother I can be each day with a smile and in doing so offer joy and love to those who come in contact with me. Thank you for being the bright light that resides within me. Allow my light to shine daily and be a help and comfort to those around me whether they be in the faith or not so that they can see You in me. I know you have a purpose for me and I know that purpose is for good. Help me to feel that and to know that despite disappointments and other unfortunate things that occur around me. Give me the strength to go on and the wisdom to see far ahead so that I may continue to avoid any pitfalls that lie before me.

Let's Do This!

Ok, so I know that I am probably starting to sound like a broken record, but I am seriously ready to commit to my writing. As of right now, in this moment, I am going to stop trying so friggin hard and just do this.
My Lord has blessed me with wonderful gifts and talents, my beautiful family is behind me 100%, what else do I need?

An Unusual Fear

Unlike some, I don't fear failure. I fear success. And because of this fear I am my own worst enemy. I fear that my success will cause me to forget what is really important in life - that I will end up neglecting my family and my life will be out of balance. I fear the confidence that comes with such success. I fear that my confidence will not just build up to a level that propels me to succeed, but that it will blow up and cause my ego to do the same. That is where I get into trouble. My ego gets greedy and then I begin to seek validation from others to feed my ego. Why must the validation always come from someone who does not truly know you and love you? Because then you have the false security that they are not just trying to make you feel good but are being sincere - I mean why would they lie? Why do we long for the attention of others besides our mate? It goes back to sincerity. You feel like "this person wouldn't lie to me because they have nothing to gain or lose by telling me the truth." - Or do they?

Plus, the fact remains that this person only sees the external part of you or the superficial (which can appear perfect). Therefore, it makes you feel perfect. Whereas, your mate knows better, they know all your idiosyncrasies and although to them essentially, you will never be "perfect", you will forever be perfect for them.

Since Adam and Eve, man has been seeking to feel perfect in the eyes of others. To many, Perfect=Happy. Hence, industries that cater to the pursuit of perfection are the most lucrative. But just like Botox and silicone implants, it's just an illusion.


Prayer:

Lord, I will never be perfect. You alone are perfect. Please help me to not only understand and accept this fact, but give me a revelation of it so that I may once and for all accept my imperfection and flaws. Help me to see the deception in seeking attention and validation from others; in particularly from those of the opposite sex, and to only long for the attention and validation of my husband whom I am in covenant relationship with. Help me Lord to accept as fact and appreciate complements from my husband and to see them as truth and not empty rhetoric. Lord I ask you to create in me a clean heart, one that seeks to ultimately please YOU. Take away the shame from my past and renew a right spirit within me. Replace my fear with faith, that I may devote my life to doing your will and as such, gain everlasting life. With each step I take, please give me the assurance that I am pleasing to you. This will help to build my confidence the right way, and in turn, help me to look forward to finding success in every walk of life. I WILL be able to make confident decisions and stick with them to completion. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

For further thought:

How does one maintain humility without limiting success? Or better yet, how can we achieve success and remain humble?

Countdown to 40

The reinvention of Me

I say reinvention not because I don’t love myself for who I am at this very moment, but because of the drastic nature of how I wish to improve myself. I consider myself to be “born again” in the spiritual sense, but now I wish to finally bring my physical body along, surrender my flesh, if you will. As many of you can relate, this is no easy feat. My flesh does not long to rise early, exercise, eat well, and abstain from addictive foods/behaviors.

Level One is Discovery. I am me and I love myself unconditionally. Level Two is Definition. Who am I at this moment, and what would I like to become? Level Three is Planning. How do I get there? Level Four is Action. Well, here is where I get stuck. I am desperately looking forward to the new improved version of me but I have yet to figure out the right path to get there. There is so much swirling around in this brain of mine, so many things consume my thoughts but discipline eludes me...


My obsessions….

Writing, of course!
Movies, theatre and the arts
Music
All things coffee AND tea
Spicy International cuisine, preferably SANS meat
Colorful silk scarves
Unique bracelets and Diva Glam rings
Anything silver
Natural stones
Shoes, shoes and more shoes
Large bags of varying shapes and colors
Decorative boxes
Old books
Journals
Fountain pens
Amber scented body products
A fresh manicure with OPI lacquer of course!
And more recently, the sound of my baby cake’s innocent giggle.

So what should I talk about? How I have been trying to adopt a natural, organic, healthy lifestyle but have yet to master the Stairmaster? Or how of my numerous pursuits a Bachelor’s Degree has still alluded me? Why I own a crazy amount of athletic gear and only grace the doors of the gym on average about twice per month? I wouldn't say I am your classic procrastinator, or someone who continuously starts something and doesn't finish it, but man do I wish I could focus enough and muster up enough determination to accomplish a few life goals in the midst of my crazy day-to-day hustle. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love being a wife and mother. I have never been the type to want to be “alone”-- I put that in quotes because I don’t mind being by myself, just not unattached. I love being someone’s other half, their +1, their snuggle bunny, their travel companion, back rubber, dinner maker and coffee stirrer. My life would be empty without it. Not to mention the fact that my husband happens to be an ultra-handsome, charming as hell, driven, God-fearing, family-loving, house-cleaning, dish-washing, baby-changing, fine, mocha-colored tall drink of water! Yes, I know how very blessed I am. And if that weren’t enough, God saw fit to bless me with the sweetest, most beautiful little baby girls on the planet, Miss Anaya Nalani. So where was I now? Oh yeah, why can’t I get anything done for me? Critics would say because I don't want it bad enough or I don't love myself enough. But the reality is, I am only one person and I am a regular ole human being so there is only so much I can handle in a day. Perhaps some patient planning and organization coupled with a little disciplined determination would do a lot for my cause. Patience I can do. Pretty well I might add. That might be the problem. Could do with a little less patience and a little more discipline and determination. Ok, so a plan is a good idea. I have mapped lots of plans before. In my head, on paper, in a day planner, in a fancy journal, on my computer, on a calendar schedule, in a complicated spreadsheet…all to no avail. So here is where you come in. I need some help. Real assistance please, not smart comments or sales pitches for books or personal empowerment conferences. Real help. Suggestions are welcome as well as are links to websites or other information you feel may prove helpful. Encouragement, empathy, and sympathy are also welcome. Insults are not. Look forward to hearing from you.

time track and cracked hearts

is anything really as it seems? life is one big mystery and i am one of those people who fight the urge to flip to the end of a suspense novel because i just have to know right now how things turn out. i have been waiting five years to see how things would turn out and i so wish i would have skipped ahead and peeked. so much time spent fighting and struggling and praying and toiling to reach this point and i feel like i've gone backward instead of forward. too bad time doesn't follow us on our little side tours of life. we continue to age at full speed, science still makes advancements, windows makes another service pack, and loan interest still compounds. and broken hearts, well sometimes they heal-and sometimes...they get harder and crack more and more until rendered useless.

"Pain is temporary...failure lasts forever."