The reinvention of Me
I say reinvention not because I don’t love myself for who I am at this very moment, but because of the drastic nature of how I wish to improve myself. I consider myself to be “born again” in the spiritual sense, but now I wish to finally bring my physical body along, surrender my flesh, if you will. As many of you can relate, this is no easy feat. My flesh does not long to rise early, exercise, eat well, and abstain from addictive foods/behaviors.
Level One is Discovery. I am me and I love myself unconditionally. Level Two is Definition. Who am I at this moment, and what would I like to become? Level Three is Planning. How do I get there? Level Four is Action. Well, here is where I get stuck. I am desperately looking forward to the new improved version of me but I have yet to figure out the right path to get there. There is so much swirling around in this brain of mine, so many things consume my thoughts but discipline eludes me...
My obsessions….
Writing, of course!
Movies, theatre and the arts
Music
All things coffee AND tea
Spicy International cuisine, preferably SANS meat
Colorful silk scarves
Unique bracelets and Diva Glam rings
Anything silver
Natural stones
Shoes, shoes and more shoes
Large bags of varying shapes and colors
Decorative boxes
Old books
Journals
Fountain pens
Amber scented body products
A fresh manicure with OPI lacquer of course!
And more recently, the sound of my baby cake’s innocent giggle.
So what should I talk about? How I have been trying to adopt a natural, organic, healthy lifestyle but have yet to master the Stairmaster? Or how of my numerous pursuits a Bachelor’s Degree has still alluded me? Why I own a crazy amount of athletic gear and only grace the doors of the gym on average about twice per month? I wouldn't say I am your classic procrastinator, or someone who continuously starts something and doesn't finish it, but man do I wish I could focus enough and muster up enough determination to accomplish a few life goals in the midst of my crazy day-to-day hustle. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love being a wife and mother. I have never been the type to want to be “alone”-- I put that in quotes because I don’t mind being by myself, just not unattached. I love being someone’s other half, their +1, their snuggle bunny, their travel companion, back rubber, dinner maker and coffee stirrer. My life would be empty without it. Not to mention the fact that my husband happens to be an ultra-handsome, charming as hell, driven, God-fearing, family-loving, house-cleaning, dish-washing, baby-changing, fine, mocha-colored tall drink of water! Yes, I know how very blessed I am. And if that weren’t enough, God saw fit to bless me with the sweetest, most beautiful little baby girls on the planet, Miss Anaya Nalani. So where was I now? Oh yeah, why can’t I get anything done for me? Critics would say because I don't want it bad enough or I don't love myself enough. But the reality is, I am only one person and I am a regular ole human being so there is only so much I can handle in a day. Perhaps some patient planning and organization coupled with a little disciplined determination would do a lot for my cause. Patience I can do. Pretty well I might add. That might be the problem. Could do with a little less patience and a little more discipline and determination. Ok, so a plan is a good idea. I have mapped lots of plans before. In my head, on paper, in a day planner, in a fancy journal, on my computer, on a calendar schedule, in a complicated spreadsheet…all to no avail. So here is where you come in. I need some help. Real assistance please, not smart comments or sales pitches for books or personal empowerment conferences. Real help. Suggestions are welcome as well as are links to websites or other information you feel may prove helpful. Encouragement, empathy, and sympathy are also welcome. Insults are not. Look forward to hearing from you.
